Act My Age

Can someone please clarify for me when I became a ma’am?

I am now fully a ma’am. As in, “Ma’am, is this your child we found running naked through the lobby?” Or “Ma’am, none of these clothes have been in fashion for the last decade. We cannot accept anything you own (or are presently wearing) at our consignment shop.”

I feel like there was a limbo period for this. Wasn’t there a time when I wasn’t a college student any more but I also wasn’t a ma’am? Maybe “miss?” Or “hottie?” Wait, no. That never happened. But I’m pretty sure there was a historical era in which I was young but not too young, smart but not wizened, muscular but not veiny.

Is anyone hearing me on this?

Today a fifteen-year-old girl flagged me down at the Dairy Barn as I was leaving. “Ma’am,” she called, and the scary part is I KNEW SHE WAS TALKING TO ME. I turned. “Ma’am, you might want all these slushies you just paid for.” Then she snorted when she laughed and I laughed too, without the snort. Silly ma’am! Paying for things and then leaving the Barn without taking them with her!

And so it begins. One day a ma’am, the next I’ll be asking the consignment shop to reconsider taking on my orthopedic shoes to sell. But they’re so comfortable…