Animal Planet

Whither we go, we are followed by wildlife. Don’t swoon, you animal lovers. Don’t get happy, you people who like to spend free time at Pet Mart, the zoo, or walking the fields and finding wildlife living their wild lives.

We have these.

And these.

And most recently, these.

Photo credit.

(I did not take this photo, but there were two of these critters staring at me from my basement window the other night. I screamed like a ninny and did not go get my camera. I got Marc, who seemed much less concerned than I. Men are odd.)

The hunchback kills me. I cannot love them. I know God made them and my Sunday school teacher always said God doesn’t make junk, but I’m just not entirely sure he doesn’t make exceptions sometimes.

Raccoons are icky and scary and nocturnal and they like to eat little human babies. OK, I haven’t confirmed the last bit but I’ll bet they do. How would we know? They’re awake at crazy hours and they’re stealthy!

I know I’m infecting my children with my aversion toward animals that poop in my yard. Thea saw a photo of baby raccoons the other day and she cooed, “Ooooh, they’re so cuuuute!” I gave her a time-out and made her write an essay on why raccoons are vile. Sure, she cried for awhile, but I can be nothing if not truthful to my children, right?

Anyone else out there nervous about creatures of the night? Am I the only one who sings loudly, flicks the lights on and off, and bangs on the side of the house with a metal object when she takes the trash out at night? Come on…’Fess up, fellow animal lovers.