Hakuna Matata…and Other Falsehoods

We had the great fortune of spending a day at Disneyland recently. While not exactly the Happiest Place On Earth, it was enough fun to keep me from going back during my lifetime us busy. I do have some observations that may prove helpful to those of you considering a trip to the Promised Land:

1. Get to know your inner extrovert. There are lots and lots and lots of people at the Happiest Place On Earth.  Many of them are not, in fact, happy. Keep in mind, too, that there are many cultures represented, some of which are comfortable abandoning the idea of personal space. I almost got into a fist fight with a tall European woman who was plastered to Marc’s back. I may be short, but I’m scrappy, darn it. Back off.

2. Yes, you read that menu correctly. A corn dog really does cost six dollars.

3. Jasmine has become much more modest in her dressing habits, though she still does rock the gold curly-toed shoes. So if you’re hoping for midriff, you’d be better off (and richer!) watching a marathon of Jersey Shore.

4. While you might be emotionally healthy, many people at Disneyland are not. Treat them with care, especially the woman who starts sobbing next to you when the man on the intercom announces the park is about to open for the day. Be ready, though, to explain to your children why the woman is weeping. You might want to start thinking about that well ahead of time so you don’t accidentally use the words “freakazoid” and “weirdsmobile.”

5. It is almost worth the time, effort, and GNP of a small nation to hear your kids squeal with glee and happy-terror all the way down the Matterhorn roller coaster. Try to embrace the moment, fork over the $75 for cotton candy, and whistle “It’s A Small, Small World” on your way to the next ride. Heck, try holding hands with one of the bazillion people next to you. The world is small, and Walt, for one day, has brought you all together.