Happy Old Age!

I, for one, have not seen the north side of midnight since I birthed my last child, and even then I needed a full medical team and IV fluids.

So I’m bright and chirpy this morning! Happy New Year! I hope you rang it in with a bang, or at least without an IV.

Here’s the thing about new beginnings: they don’t happen much outside the grace of God and plastic surgery. I’m happy to cling to the former, but the latter is not in my future.

Therefore, I witness daily the effects of getting older.

Case in point: I now need glasses.

Looks like I could use a tweezer and some lip gloss too, but I digress.

I now use these babies to read or work on the computer. First, I felt sad because I remembered my beloved elementary school teacher who will remain nameless and how her eyeballs became very small behind glasses so thick, I could see entire rainbow prisms in them when I looked sideways.

But then I felt heartened to know I fit in around here now.

Silver lining. Now maybe people will stop ME in the grocery and tell me I’m cute. Except I can’t see humans clearly, just words. So no grocery shopping, unless I detour to the bookstore, which sounds way more fun than groceries anyway.

So you can call me four-eyes now, as in “Happy New Year, Four-Eyes!” I’ll totally answer to that, and then I’ll squint my eyes and try to see who’s talking.