Jeggings and Other Horrors

Please, please help me out here.

Why the jeggings?

Photo source.

Try not to concentrate on the fact that this particular woman hasn’t eaten since half-way through the Clinton administration and focus instead on my confusion. Why skin-tight jeans that aren’t jeans, with cuffs that squeeze all the blood out of one’s ankles?

I have man-calves. There. I said it. I am the girl who cannot find stylish leather boots that zip because that zipper will end up slicing into my man-calf. Instead I have to find boots made from scary, synthetic materials that are stretchy and smell funny because they were made in a laboratory in Guam. I am the girl who should have pursued gymnastics or professional calf raising competitions because my man-calves would LITERALLY crush the competition.

Photo source.

So leggings/jeggings are full-fledged danger zone for me. Can I get an amen out there? Or are you all the people who have lovely calves and delicate ankles? I have serious delicate-ankle-envy. And you should be a little scared of my anger because people with huge calves can be vicious when provoked.

Please tell me I’m not the only one. Jeggings be gone?