Spring Fashion 2013

Because I love you, I have gone ahead and condensed a spring fashion guide right here, right now. You may write me a thank-you note. But please only do so if you are wearing one of these featured ensembles.

First we have the ever-beloved crotch pant.

Because we all have great reasons for accentuating that particular part of the body.

Next up, the day-glo pink evening gown with chandelier embellishment.

I know the model looks angry but really she loves this dress and can’t wait to wear it to….lots of places.

Next, for those days when you want to feel anonymous:

(Extra credit question: Are there many real, life humans who wear ankle boots well? I fear my ankles look like stuffed sausages, so I’m not exactly excited to draw the eye to that region. Anyone?)

This photo makes the cut just for the hat. Please, please buy this hat and wear it to church and volunteer in the nursery.

Finally, we have the best spring fashion tip ever: Wear your crown in public.

Take it off that top shelf in your closet and wear that thing! Stop hiding under a bushel, princess. Put on that red jeweled dress with the holes and crown it up!

I hope this clarifies all those confusing messages from the fashion world. Go in peace! Stuff those ankles in! And rock the crown!