I’ve had a rocky start to the school year. I realize I am not actually IN school, but two of my children are and I think that counts. Plus, I’m the one making sack lunches, so I deserve the love and pity.
Mostly pity. For example, the first day of school, Mitch looked like this:
This is also what he looked like the second day of school because he wore the exact same clothes. AND HIS MOTHER DIDN’T NOTICE until she picked him up at the end of preschool. He looked at me like I smoked dangerous chemicals when I expressed my concern about wearing a shirt that had yogurt artfully spilled around the collar.
“Mom,” he said, “I look awesome.”
And then there was the Calendar Confusion Incident a few weeks ago. It was a Monday and I kept Ana home because she had the day off from school. Probably teacher planning or something, I wasn’t sure. Mid morning, still all in our pajamas and considering a trip to the science center or maybe a movie and I noticed a fleet-footed thought take a jog through Ye Olde Maternal Head. I wondered why I hadn’t heard any other moms talking about their plans for the day off from school. Why? Hmm. Well, turns out there was a simple answer to that question. Other moms didn’t have day-off plans because school was in session. People who read calendars with a savvy and literate eye know things like this but people who send their children to school in yogurt-crusty shirts do not.
So I’m warning you now: Do not trust me with important information or the hygienic care of children. You can trust me with pretend stories and fake people that don’t exist. Fiction is safe! Anything else, though, and we’re all taking our chances.